Why write alone when we can write together?

How The Unexpected Journey of Two Long-Distance Writing Partners turned into our Write or Die Retreat.

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Back in December, my writing partner, Tamar Mekredijian, and I were feeling stuck. We had just put aside the second drafts of our novels which left us feeling dizzy in the way that writing 75,000+ words does in a one year span. (Holy shit, writing a novel is so hard). 

We both had a short story that we wanted to work on. I had an idea for one that I was looking forward to exploring and Tamar had a draft that she had been touching on and off again in between novel writing. The feeling of a new project or resettling into an old one with a new intensity is revitalizing, especially after so much time in novel land. I was thrilled to write something within a container I could manage more easily. I could write a beginning, middle, and end all in one day if I wanted to. (You dream of such things after working on longer projects. Am I right?) 

But we both were dragging our feet. We wanted to get to the work, but we were a little tired, a little consumed with life and a little uninspired. 

We needed a push (which we all know is just a polite way of saying a solid kick in the ass.) 

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Tamar lives in Los Angeles, and I live in Massachusetts. We had met about two years prior when I was hosting a novel writing support group with Write or Die. Tamar had emailed me wondering if there were any spots available after hearing about it from Chelsea Bieker. (Author of Godshot and the story collection, Heartbroke. If you haven’t read either, drop what you are doing and get them. I’ve read both twice and am a Chelsea super fan). A few weeks into the novel group, where about 8 or 10 of us came together bi-weekly to discuss our progress, Tamar asked me if I was interested in an accountability partner. We were both starting drafts of our novels with the guidance of Alan Watt’s book, The 90 Day Novel, and she suggested we check in with each other after we write our 1,000 words each day. It started slow- just a short text every day telling each other whether we hit our word count, and what we hoped to do the next day. But as we kept texting, at this point, five days a week, pieces of our lives were woven into our messages. We shared our work with each other. Soon we graduated to the Marco Polo app and now send video messages almost every morning, checking in and giving each other life and writing updates. We’ve edited each other's short stories, job applications, and essays. We started coaching other writers through Write or Die on how to create writing routines that last. Despite our distance, Tamar is such a huge part of my life, one I never expected. 

I can’t believe my luck.  I didn’t know much about writing partnerships prior, and if you asked me back then, I probably would have said, “That sounds good, but do I really need that?”

Oh, silly Kailey of the past. Yes, girl, you do. 

On that week back in December, we were sending each other our usual motiving messages until, I think it was Tamar said, “Why don’t we write together?” 

We both had a day off coming up, a time when we could block off 4 or 5 hours. We devised a plan. 3 hours of writing, broken up with 15/30 minute breaks. 

“Let’s just write all day and see what happens,” we said. We had never tried that before. 

We settled on a start time that worked for both EST and PST and mapped out the schedule the day before. Tamar is a trooper and works in a 5 AM writing routine when she’s working on a project. The kids are still asleep, the house is quiet, and she aims to start writing by 5:30. This makes me the spoiled brat who doesn’t have to be at the desk until 8:30 am. 

We wrote for an hour, then checked in. (Are we nerdy enough?) 

Then we took a break, ate lunch or a snack, and wrote again. (Ah, yeah, we were really excited). 

Three times we repeated this. Every time I got tired or frustrated or just antsy with the work, maybe I would have walked away if I had been truly alone. Maybe I would have said, that’s enough for today, I can write more tomorrow. But because I knew Tamar was on the other end of my phone and because I knew she was writing too and was planning to check in with me, I stayed put. It's miraculous how that happens. If someone is holding you accountable, somehow, you are able to power through. 

Writing is solitary. We know this. Sometimes the solitude is nice, and sometimes it’s like, oh shit, get me away from myself. 

One thing I’ve learned from Write or Die over all these years is that community, in the many different forms it can take, has been absolutely pivotal to my writing process and my personal sanity. 

Whether it’s an email, a DM, or an Instagram comment. An author interview where we stray off my pre-written questions and start talking about writing routines. A chat with a writing instructor that turns into a mini therapy session. All these little moments of connection are what make the writing trials and tribulations, joys, and triumphs so much more bearable and wonderful. It keeps me going. I don’t want to let myself down, but God, I don’t want to let down the people that are supporting me, either. I better stay in this damn chair. 

A few weekends ago, Tamar and I brought our little self-made writing retreat to the masses (lol). We launched The Write Together Retreat, a virtual day of writing broken into three sessions, along with an encouraging author chat from two of our favorites. Chelsea Bieker (who we now call our matchmaker) and Kimberly King Parsons, author of the acclaimed collection, Black Light, are friends and writing partners too. They joined us after the group's second writing session. Chelsea talked to us about inner work, like where writing blocks can come from and how to work through them, and Kimberly talked about bringing play back to our writing, giving us a super cool generative exercise we can repurpose anytime we are stuck.  

I can only speak for myself, but I felt so refreshed after their talk, a push I needed to carry out that last hour of writing. 

When the retreat concluded, we left time to chat, and those that participated expressed gratitude and excitement for what they had accomplished that day. We were all very tired, but there was a buzziness among us that comes with being with a group of like-minded people who have this thing in common- this writing thing. This practice that we are striving to get better at and express ourselves through. That we can’t live without. 

Here are a few of the testimonials we have received so far: 

The simple act of signing up for this retreat released a particular type of tension I hadn't realized I had been holding. Sitting in community with writers from all over the country grounded me in a way I haven't felt since my MFA program. - Michael Jerome Plunkett 

I had the BEST time at the Write or Die retreat! I signed off at the end of the day feeling so inspired and creatively energized. Blocking off time in your calendar for writing is crucial and this is the perfect way to do it! - Abigail Oswald

Having an intentional space to focus on writing was an incredible opportunity because it can be so hard to find the time in normal life — dedicating hours to my craft was much needed!  — Amanda Karch

It was pretty cool for Tamar and me to see all these people participating in something we had done on a cold December morning (well, for me) in an attempt to motivate each other.  It was also so validating for me to see how much community matters to writers of all genres, backgrounds, and skill levels. We are all the same in that way. Sure, we can do it alone. But why have our art be solitary when it doesn’t have to? 

Why write alone when we can write together? 

We plan to do these retreats monthly, so save the date for our September 23rd Write Together Retreat with Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya and Kristen Arnett! Check out the schedule breakdown and how to sign up here.